First Crush

It was a hectic day at office. I did not sleep properly the previous night. I was feeling very exhausted and as the bus started, I was at semi sleepy state.

Suddenly my phone rang in some unusual way. I woke up and just remembered that I have changed the ring tones the same day only. It was a SMS from an unknown number from my native city, Kolkata. I opened the message; it was "miss u; Anjali".

I was very much surprised. Suddenly hundreds of thoughts started to coming to my mind, I was totally clueless. All my tiredness went away. There were so many questions to answer for.....should I reply? How was she? Have somebody came into her life...

It was spring of 1997. I was in school, studying in 9th standard. Our school was not co-ed one but for boys only. Those days are worth to remember. My friend circle was not wide. Our group consist 7-8 boys. But we were involved a lot in various activities. While few boys loved to do all the home work and attend all the lectures, others are totally interested to bunk classes. I somehow maintained a balance between those extremities.

One day, I was returning from school with my friends. A rickshaw was coming from the opposite direction. When it was passing by, I saw a girl in school uniform seated on it. It was not a special event to remember. We met lot of people everyday in our daily life, but hardly remembered any. That day, I did not know that this incident was going to change my life.

Within a week, it became regular affair to see the girl on my way back to home form school. Whenever I entered that stretch of the road, I expected to see her. If someday I did not see her while returning from school, I waited for the next day. But these feelings faded out as soon as I left the road.

Another year passed by as I was preparing for the first board exam of my life. I liked the science subjects very much and got enough marks for securing a science seat in senior secondary class at my school. The senior secondary section of our school was co-ed. This reason was enough for exiting us. We were eagerly waiting for the classes to start.

It was the first day of the senior secondary session of our school. I reached school 15 minutes before the scheduled time. I was surprised to see that girl in our class room. The first hour was for introduction. Within 20 minutes, each of us had finished our introduction, and most importantly, I came to know her name, Anjali.

I did not have enough courage to talk to her on that day. I was yet to come out of that unusual state. Within a week, she joined all the coaching classes that I had already joined. Slowly we came to know each other and our friendship started. She was moved to the city after her father got transferred, one year back.

Days were passing by and we became good friends by then. But somewhere inside, I was feeling otherwise. I was very much impressed by her qualities. Her each action, every word had started to attract me towards her. I could not afford to miss a single lecture at school those days. Within a few months those feelings were consolidated.

We have many common friends as we were in same school. Sumit was one of them. He was one of my close friends. Those days, I used to spend 12-13 hours daily with my friends. Sumit knew my feelings towards Anjali and he helped me a lot in many occasions.

But I did not know whether she had similar feelings for me or she had some other plans. She was very brilliant student. She was one of the most sincere girls in the class. She was less talkative to boys and it was very difficult to approach her without proper preparation. I was clueless to understand whether she liked me or not.

But it became very difficult for me to suppress my feelings. Few weeks later, I decided to tell her the truth. I was not sure about the consequences, but I took the risk. I could not wait any more. One day on our way back to home, I proposed her. She was not surprised at my revelations and asked for some time to think. I was at heaven! I could not believe that she did not say "no" to me.

I thought our love story was just about to begin and started taking preparation for the same. But the following few days, she did not talk to me. I choose to be quiet and wanted to give her the required time, but internally, I was very much tempted to talk to her.

After 7-8 days, she called me after classes. I was very excited. But to my surprise, she politely refused to make any relationship with me as she accepted me as a friend. She had some ambitious plans for her future and wanted to pursue them. She thought our relationship might create hindrance to them. I was unable to understand her arguments.

I thought she did not like me but did not want to say so. I could not utter a single word while she was talking to me. I did not know how to react. All my dreams were shattered. It was such a feeling that I never experienced before. I quietly left for the home.

Next few days were like years. It was like end to my little world. I was in deep shock. Sumit was with me in those difficult days. He helped me a lot to come out of that situation. He wanted to spoke to her about our relationship, but she refused. I was giving condolence to myself that it was a one sided love affair and I could not expect any body to act as I wish. Suddenly I became more mature person, ready to take up the challenges of life.

Our senior secondary examination was knocking at the door. I was busy with the examination preparation. But somewhere inside, I was hurt. By that time, I have learnt to live with pain. Days were passing by and our examination was over. It had been around six months after the incident. We hardly talked in those months. I accepted the fact that I had to live without her and who knows, may be the almighty had some other plans!

Finally the D-day came. It was our last visit to school for collecting the certificates. She looked very calm on that day. It was the last time I saw her. I was about to join an engineering college in my city. Sumit was preparing for leaving for Bangalore. We were very excited about our college life. After joining college, I tried to keep contact with Sumit, but it was difficult as both of us had new friends. We were totally into a new environment. We just stayed in touch for the next four years.

The bus was about to reach its destination. It was around 9:15 PM. I decided to call back to the number. To my surprise, there were one man on the other end and I could not recognize the voice. It was Sumit. He had been in Kolkata then. "Oh! After such a long time "------- he started with. I was also exited. We were talking to each other after 6 long years.

We talked on every topic that we remembered. I completely forgot about the SMS. While our conversation was about to end, Sumit said he wanted to give me a surprise. I never guess on Sumit. Always my assumption failed in past. Suddenly a lady asked me over the phone ----"Hi Saikat, how are you?" I guessed right this time. She was Anjali.

We greeted each other. We talked for some time. I was wondering, but there were more surprises to come. Finally Sumit revealed that they were getting married and engagement was on the very next day. But to my surprise, I was indifferent to the news. My heart was beating at normal speed. I wished them best of luck. I was feeling happy for them. Nine years back, I surely did not know what love is, I supposed not to.

During these nine years, many things had happened to me. Still I am learning. But one of my feelings remained same. Nine years back, I wanted to make her happy. She chose a different way. After nine years, she was with another man. So what? She was happy and this reason was enough for me to become happy. Love cannot be conditional!

I already reached home by that time. I had to prepare the dinner. I prepared it very quick that night. I wanted to sleep early. I was very tired. I needed a long sleep. Next day, I wanted to go to office in fresh mind as I was about to start working on a new assignment.......